It inspired many people when there was a
struggle from a man who did "Free Hugs Campaign". The man brought a
“Free Hugs” sign. His hair was black and long. He wore glasses. The man was
tall and always wore long pants. He was so confident to bring the sign and
walked from one place to another to do a campaign. At first, many people did
not care about what the man did with his “Free Hugs” sign. They thought that it
was ridiculous and silly campaign. But, the man did not care about the response
from other people. He was still running to do the campaign about free hug.
Then, an old woman saw what the man did with his “Free Hugs” sign. She smiled
and asked the man to hug her. Next, The man knelt with open arms to give a hug
to that old woman. They hugged each other happily. After that event, many
people changed their mindset and wanted to hug with the man. And also,
many of them followed the “Free Hugs Campaign”. They were so happy to hug other
people although they did not know each other. Then, the police prohibited the
“Free Hugs Campaign”. But the man do effort to explain to them about the
purpose of the campaign. The man and his colleagues purposed a petition by got
one thousand signatures from many people who agreed about the campaign. In the
end, the police realized and allowed that campaign. They also wanted to do the
“Free Hugs Campaign” by hug the man’s colleagues. Many people changed their
mindset and thought that all people are same. They wanted to hug each other
with all of their heart. The main point that we can get from "Free Hug
Campaign" is togetherness which is something that important in this life.
All people are same. We are free to hug or socialize with other people without
distinguish the social status, family background, country, skin color, and so
on.

sorry ita, but I think you make a spelling mistake in the word "hear". I think it should be hair. sorry
ReplyDeletethank you so much devi for your comment....
ReplyDeletei will fix it now...
Dear ita.. how about changing "Old woman" into "elderly lady" ?
ReplyDeletejust to make it sound a bit politer actually
nice work, love it
Great job everyone.
ReplyDeleteI also would like to suggest Ita that you need a topic sentence.
You can do it by revising this sentence "In the video, there was a struggle from a man who did "Free Hugs Campaign". The man brought a “Free Hugs” sign." Avoid using "In the video" because it makes the sentence not so flexible.
Good luck.
I don't catch any mistakes anymore, but I totally agree with your argument or statement about togetherness is something important in our life. Maybe you can add the word "very" in this sentence. Out of that statement, you are so detail to show the appearance and the feeling of that man. I think it's so nice to know about it clearly :-)
ReplyDeletethank you so much for your suggestion Mrs. Eka,,,
ReplyDeletei will fix my paragraph...
this mistake will motivate me to do better....
Devi,, thank you for your comment....
ReplyDeletelet's keep our togetherness....
keep working :)
hello again Ita. I know that you have been re post this post before.
ReplyDeleteBut, I read it again tonight and I just found something strange in several parts in your writing.
first, when you say the word "but" in the beginning of a sentence, you need to put a coma sign (,) after the word "but". Ex : But, the man do effort ...
second, the word "colleague" in the sentence, "The man and his colleague ..." must given -s at the end of that word. so, it'll become "colleagues". beside that, when you said the possessive word "their" just like in a sentence there, you don't have to add -s at the end of that word. so, just say "....their heart" and not "...theirs heart".
I think that's all about the strange things I found here.
I hope you can accept this opinion wisely. good job Ita :)
thank you so much devi,,,
DeleteI will revise the mistake,,,
nice to get your comment :)