The Outline Paragraph of Free Hug Campaign by Devi Wimayanti

I.  Title                   : Free Hugs For Everybody

II  Topic sentence   : That is a sign that a man used to invite everyone he met  
                                for a "Free  Hugs Campaign"

III.  Major supporting sentence and minor supporting sentence:

1.    Major supporting sentence 1:

He is tall, thin, he has long-black hair and also beard.

Minor supporting sentence 1:

-       I think, this campaign was held more than a day, because we could see it from the man who was changed his clothes twice.

-       He was just wearing a red coat, blue T-shirt, grey trousers, and glasses in the first day.

-       In the second day, he was wearing a long white shirt, a tie, grey trousers, and glasses.

2.    Major supporting sentence 2:

This man was so simple to get the attention of the people who    around the place where he started his campaign alone.

Minor supporting sentence 2:

-       First, he put the sign high and then he walked around the place.

-       In the beginning, the people didn't respond his invitation.

-       Most of them just laughed him or kept walking and ignoring him.

3.    Major supporting sentence 3:

But then, there's always turning point in the process of our activity.

Minor supporting sentence 3:

-       Like happened in this video that the turning point caused the free hugs to begin to happen was when an old woman accepted his offered to give a free hug and she gave him a huge hug.

-       After that, from this point everyone else began to follow the woman act.

-       They hugged one another at that place.

4.    Major supporting sentence 4:

At the first time, the police who see that activity was banned it.

Minor supporting sentence 4:

-       They separated the people who were hugging but this campaigner made another way to get their target.

-       They didn’t just give a hug, but also made petition and took the signature from the participants. 

-       It’s so unbelievable that they got signatures up to 10.000.

-       Finally, in the end everyone, even the police, did the same thing and hug the participants.

IV.   Concluding sentence

“So, from this video we can get the main point is we have to listen, pay more attention to your environment, especially your social-life because we don’t live alone, we live with another people, then why do we act individual too much if we can live in happiness together?”

But I think it is too long as the concluding sentence so from my point of view it will be better if the sentence is divided into 3 sentence. And also the word your in the sentence will be better if we change it to be our. That is:

So, from this video we can get the main point is we have to listen, pay more attention to your environment, especially your social-life. It is because we don’t live alone, we live with another people. Then, why do we act individual too much if we can live in happiness together?

·          And then, I think the good sentence that can be concluding sentence if we divided that into three sentence like above is “So, from this video we can get the main point is we have to listen, pay more attention to our environment, especially our social-life.”

.

V.   Grammar

In grammar, I have found some mistakes. We can find it in the words that is given an underline,  such as:

a.    In the sentence “I think, this campaign was held more than a day, because we could see it from the man who was changed his clothes twice.” It will be correct in grammar if we omit the word was because the meaning is in passive voice.

b.    In the sentence “This man was so simple to get the attention of the people who were walk around the place where he started his campaign alone.” It is same with the sentence in number a, it will be correct in grammar if we omit the word were because the meaning is in passive voice.

c.     In the sentence “Like happened in this video that the turning point caused the free hugs to begin to happen was when an old woman accepted his offered to give a free hug and she gave him a huge hug. I think it will be good in grammar if we revise the word offered to be offer. It is because the meaning of the word “offered” is past tense of verb offer. And also possessive pronoun “his” should be followed by a noun.

d.    In the sentence “At the first time, the police who see that activity was banned it.” In this sentence, the word see should be in the past tense form. So, it will be correct in grammar if we change the word see to be saw.

e.     In the sentence “Finally, in the end everyone, even the police, did the same thing and hug the participants.” It is same with the sentence in number d, the word hug should be in the past tense form. So, it will be correct in grammar if we change the word hug to be hugged.

f.     In the last is in the word “social-life”. I think it does not need hyphen (-) between social and life. It should be social life.

VI.  Vocabulary

As far as I read and analyze, I think the vocabulary in the paragraph is good. But we must be able to distinguish between verb and noun. Like the words “His offered”. So, it needs our accuracy and knowledge more about vocabulary.

VII.  Mechanic

The mechanic of the paragraph which its title is Free Hug For Everybody is good. But, I just want to suggest that it will be better for all of us, if we can put the full stop in the exact position. For the example, in the sentence which I have mentioned before, that is “So, from this video we can get the main point is we have to listen, pay more attention to your environment, especially your social-life because we don’t live alone, we live with another people, then why do we act individual too much if we can live in happiness together?”

It will be better if we change the comma with full stop behind the word social-life and  people. Because I think it is too long as a sentence.

It’s so nice I think we can comment and give suggestion to our friends about writing a paragraph. We can learn together with fun. Learning from mistakes and make your dream with writing :) 

Free Hugs For Everybody

          Look at the picture above. That is a sign that a man used to invite everyone he met for a "Free Hugs Campaign". He is tall, thin, he has long-black hair and also beard. I think, this campaign was held more than a day, because we could see it from the man who was changed his clothes twice. He was just wearing a red coat, blue T-shirt, grey trousers, and glasses in the first day. In the second day, he was wearing a long white shirt, a tie, grey trousers, and glasses. This man was so simple to get the attention of the people who were walk around the place where he started his campaign alone. First, he put the sign high and then he walked around the place. In the beginning, the people didn't respond his invitation. Most of them just laughed him or kept walking and ignoring him. But then, there's always turning point in the process of our activity. Like happened in this video that the turning point caused the free hugs to begin to happen was when an old woman accepted his offered to give a free hug and she gave him a huge hug. After that, from this point everyone else began to follow the woman act. They hugged one another at that place. At the first time, the police who see that activity was banned it. They separated the people who were hugging but this campaigner made another way to get their target. They didn’t just give a hug, but also made petition and took the signature from the participants.  It’s so unbelievable that they got signatures up to 10.000. Finally, in the end everyone, even the police, did the same thing and hug the participants. So, from this video we can get the main point is we have to listen, pay more attention to your environment, especially your social-life because we don’t live alone, we live with another people, then why do we act individual too much if we can live in happiness together? Then, let’s take our freedom in this life and don’t just think or act individually too much because in togetherness we can reach our happiness easier.